I had mixed feelings about returning to school. I was definitely looking forward to seeing the awesome people that I get to call my friends, but I knew I'd experience that familiar ache that comes from leaving my favorite airport, airport people, and of course, those little yellow airplanes behind.
In some ways, it's great to be back. My friend Kim and I visited the aviation learning community (a floor of freshman aviation majors designed to start the networking process and establish a support network) to talk about some of MSU's aviation organizations. It turned into a reminiscing and teasing session with some of the familiar faces--Ryan, a fellow learning community member from last year now manages this year's LC. Matt lives in a nearby residence hall and came to visit as well. Between the four of us, I'm sure we adequately confused the new LC members by spending most of the time joking around. It felt, in some ways, like coming home.
On the other hand, I walked out of class last Wednesday (the first week of classes--now I'm back in the same class of 200 getting fidgety) to see a stunning skyscape. The clouds glowed red, striated in varying degrees of fiery colors.
Oh, to have seen that sight from the air . . .
Any given glorious day, my heart yearns and pines for those airplanes that make life so worthwhile. I have no desire to sit inside this oversized auditorium learning about computer-based information systems on a CAVU evening like this. All I want is a classic airplane with the little wheel in the back, and some alone time. It's communion time, me time, sometimes the only time in which everything just feels right. Take that away and I lose some of that spring in my step and that overly romantic side of myself that is so in love with life and all it has to hold.
I guess I'm not sure what this year will hold. I'm excited about working with MSU's Women in Aviation chapter, aviation club, flight team, and Alpha Eta Rho, but unlike most of my peers, I do far less flying here since I don't fly through the university flight school. Seeing my friends work on new ratings and accomplish so many things is awesome, but it has a negative edge as well. I get to see others doing the things I want to do so badly, but cannot because life has simply not dealt me that hand at this stage in my life.
But that's life. I'll deal. Some things go my way, some things don't. You roll with the punches and make the best of it--and some times it works out far better than you could have ever fathomed.
So here we go, and I'll make the best of whatever comes my way. On my down days, something will remind me of flying, and it never fails to make me feel as though I have secret that no one will ever know or understand. I can fly. I can escape. I can be at home above the earth. It makes me feel special, as though I've got something up on a world that some days seems determined to break me down and grind me beneath an omnipotent toe.
A friend sent me a picture a while back of a toddler she babysits grinning in an airplane ride in the mall. She said it reminded her of me because I was always smiling in the airplane.
I never even realized I did that. But it certainly is right.
:)
On those down days, I'll just look up and remember I have a fantastic privilege that few will experience and even fewer will ever truly understand.
Very special, indeed.
--Amy
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